


Lines in the sand

by Caoilainn



Category: White Collar
Genre: Episode: s04e09 Gloves Off, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 05:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15745506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caoilainn/pseuds/Caoilainn
Summary: Missing scene.Leaving Peter behind in Sam's ransacked apartment Neal realizes things has to change.





	Lines in the sand

Neal was absolutely furious! He seldom got really mad but now he was so angry at Peter he just wanted to violently lash out! Concealing his true emotions however was second nature to him by now, even when he was alone and absolutely livid. After all, you couldn’t be a successful con artist if you went around with your heart on your sleeve and gave people ammunition to use against you.

As he neared June’s mansion he had managed to rein in the anger to such a degree that he felt it wouldn’t show on the outside. Relieved to find the house empty Neal took the stairs up to his apartment two at a time as he climbed them, relieved to finally be alone in his own space. Feeling uncomfortably closed in he went straight out onto the terrace where he sank down on the cool concrete floor and leaned back against the brick wall.

After taking a couple of deep breaths Neal started to calm down and think rationally again. Sorting through the events of the afternoon Neal concluded that he was most angry at the way Peter completely ignored his request to not look into Sam and even more angry at how patronizingly consoling the older man had been when they stood in that ruined apartment. Not that Peter apologized though, apparently the agent could do no wrong. 

Neal rarely talked about his past but couldn’t Peter understand how important the contact with Sam was to Neal? It was as a link to Ellen, to finding her killer and to a lesser part to the father he couldn’t remember. Neal couldn’t help but worry that he might not find Sam again. If he didn’t then Neal had lost a chance to maybe find out who he had been, or could have been, if circumstances had been different. 

It didn’t matter right now, he decided. The issue was too complex to think about at the moment, and it wasn’t relevant to the matter at hand, so Neal let it go. He also reminded himself that he wasn’t without resources. Mozzie would help him search for Sam. 

With a sigh he admitted to himself that his fury wasn't just caused by Peter’s actions today when the older man had gone against Neal’s wishes to stay away from Sam and how he denied Neal the right to a private life. Those were just the final straws. 

Neal let his head fall back against the wall with a thud and looked up at the endless blue sky. He was so damn sick of living without privacy and autonomy. The time on Cap Verde was a drop in the ocean when measured against the years he had spent in prison and on the anklet. 

 _Fucking anklet_ , he thought bitterly and wished he could smash it against something, he didn't even care if it meant that he would have to smash his own ankle as well. Realistically Neal knew it would do him no good, it was just that sometimes desperation and panic would rise inside of him and it almost made him prepared to cut his leg off just to be free of the device.  

In many ways he had recovered fairly well from having been incarcerated but each time he thought about the anklet for too long he could almost feel invisible prison bars penning him in. When Neal was first released he had been forced to admit to himself that prison had had more of an impact on him than he thought it would. Had he not been a world class con artist those around him would know too, and that was the last thing he wanted.

After he left prison on the work release Neal’s internal clock would still ping according to prison life; when it was time to wake up, when to eat, when it was time to work, when it was yard-time or shower time and when it was light off. Those milliseconds of hesitations when his internal clock alerted him to the fact that it was time for the different prison activities lasted for a few months. Neal didn’t think anyone picked up on it except Mozzie, and maybe June, though thankfully they never said anything to him about it. 

For several months he also found himself expecting to hear heavy locks engaging whenever someone else closed the door to a room he was in and each time someone pulled out their handcuffs Neal had to mask the reaction imprinted in him to present his wrists, as if he was still in prison and about to be cuffed by a CO. It had taken time to train himself out of an inmate’s mindsets and for a time he had been forced to keep an extra tight control over his actions and behavior. 

Apart from those first months he had only had a few behavioral setbacks, understandably caused by his incarceration after being accused of stealing the pink diamond and then again when he was locked up following Kate’s death.  

Neal tried to keep it together and count the days until his sentence was up, but it was hard. He knew that he was incredibly lucky to get to spend his second sentence out and about in the city and he also knew that Peter could have kept him on a much shorter leash. The older man could for example have barred Mozzie and the other people from Neal’s pre-prison life from being around or refused to let Neal paint forg-…copies of masterpieces to clear his head and so on. However, despite all the advantages Neal had living with the anklet instead of behind bars the feeling of constant surveillance, intrusion and lack of autonomy ate at him, and it never went away. 

It certainly didn’t help that Peter was the kind of guy who saw most of life in black and white and who could have a surprisingly naïve view of how the world worked. That there might still be people on what Peter considered to be the “right” side of the law, for example the FBI, who was corrupt and dangerous seemed to be something he would rather deny, despite their past run-ins with agents like Fowler, Kramer and Collins. To Peter those few rotten apples did in no shape or form represent the rest of the bureau. Peter had no problem with looking into Sam and thus risking exposing the other man to powerful people in the FBI who could easily take him out. And Peter just couldn’t get that through his thick skull!

Neal desperately wanted to just leave and be the master of his own life again, to make his own decisions. But he also wanted to be able to live, especially in New York, without constantly having to look over his shoulder and that meant serving out his entire sentence. Things had to change however. 

It was time for him to distance himself from the White Collar team, and Peter in particular. The age difference between them, mental and physical, as well as their roles as handler and CI had apparently made Peter think that it was okay to act like an overbearing father with a rebellious teen. Peter seemed to forget that Neal was an adult, over 30 years old, who had taken care of himself perfectly well for many years before Peter entered the picture. Even though the older man might think that Neal’s choice to be a criminal was immature and irresponsible, and that Neal needed Peter to set boundaries and directions for him, nothing was further from the truth. It grated to have Peter being patronizing, controlling and domineering, while everyone around them except for Mozzie and June just agreed that Peter knew best.  

Neal needed space and the best way to get it was to push back against Peter’s attempts to control his life. They had had fun times and he had felt affection for Peter but apparently he couldn’t have that and at the same time be regarded as an competent adult and an equal. Freedom was more important to Neal than friendship with a fed and to get the breathing space he needed he had to distance himself from his handler. 

Right now Neal might not be able to completely stop Peter from trying to interfere with all parts of his life and monitor him constantly, and since he was on a work release rather than parole he had to accept that. He had to be compliant, cooperative and hard working in order to stay out of prison, but it was high time for Neal to start taking his independence back piece by piece. 

To start with he needed to put up walls to keep Peter out. He knew Peter had high hopes of Neal staying on with FBI after his sentence was up but that was never really on the map for Neal. He hadn’t been able to go straight, even while right under the nose of not only his FBI-handler but all the other agents in White Collar as well, and in his mind Peter’s plan was nothing more than a mildly interesting concept. Something you thought about for the novelty of it, but never would consider in real life. 

Prison had worked as a deterrent though, only not in the way Peter wanted. Neal had no intention to go back, but neither did he intend to stay on the straight and narrow, and therefor he would lay as low as possible from now on. Something that would no doubt please Mozzie.

There would be no extravagant stunts and no toying with his pursuers. There would also be no taunting, or teasing, of the agents that would be in charge of finding him should the FBI ever manage to gather enough evidence against Neal to implicate him in a crime. The odds were very high that if things progressed that far it would probably be Peter leading the manhunt. _Well bring it on_ , Neal thought with a smirk. He had learned a lot of useful things while working with Peter and the FBI.

Taking a deep breath Neal felt calmer and more in control. Getting up from the floor he felt a hundred times better than before. 

Neal had a plan for the future and something to look forward to. It was time to start fighting to get his life back.

 


End file.
